There were three spots open at the Pai Gow table. I took third base (the dealer's right), Stickman took the seat next to me and Skinny was in the middle.

When I sat down I looked across the table. The guy sitting at first base was totally bald as in "Let me shave my head so that I don't have hair on the sides and I'll look rugged that way." He had a Fu-Manchu mustache and a short goatee. His arms were heavily tattooed.

He looked at me and blew air in my direction ("Foouuuupooo!") and then he said, "Ooo ah uma eck eck eck ummm!" and smiled like a maniac.

I thought he was joking around so I smiled back at him. He pointed to the dealer and made a twirling sign with his finger then pointed it at his own head indicating that the dealer was crazy.

The dealer then spoke to me. I couldn't understand a word he said; his accent was so thick.

"What?" I asked.

"Ump oom oom uh uh ga a umm!" shouted Fu Manchu. He pointed to the dealer and took his index finger and then made the "okay" sign with his other hand and he then (to put it indelicately) screwed his "Okay" sign with his index finger, roaring "Oww owa unna ahm!" He again twirled his finger and pointed to his head and nodded to the dealer indicating once again that he thought the dealer was nuts.

The dealer spoke to me again. I still couldn't understand him.

"What?" I said.

The floor person came over. "Do you want any green?" he asked.

"Oh, oh, no, no, just black will be fine," I said. I could have been there all night if that floor person hadn't rescued me.

When we got our chips, the dealer became chatty. I couldn't understand a word he said; nor could Stickman. I don't know if Skinny was listening as he was talking to this guy on his right who had a small head and the biggest hands I have ever seen on someone whose head was so tiny.

Since the dealer was laughing uproariously, I laughed too. I just hoped he wasn't telling me that his family had been killed by terrorists, causing him to laugh since his culture laughs at death, and there I was laughing like a hyena when in his culture those who heard such horror stories were supposed to moan in sympathy as the victim laughed. Various cultures have strange customs.

Fu Manchu responded to the dealer too. "Ooomm, eck, eck, eck, um, um, um, eek, ak, ump, ump, ump!" and he again screwed his "Okay" hand with his index finger - which I thought of now as his "in-sex" finger. Then he turned to the small head with huge hands and made some more sounds. Small head with huge hands nodded and turned back to Skinny.

We used our special Pai Gow method (Skinny will teach that exact method in Vegas on October 21st during our Advantage-Play Friday) but that table was really weird. The dealer would talk incoherently and laugh and Stickman and I would laugh too - having no idea what the dealer was saying so rapidly.

Across from me Fu Manchu would launch into weird sounds off and on and it wasn't until 20 minutes had passed that I realized something. Fu Manchu was a deaf mute; either that or he was possessed by the devil.

So when Fu Manchu would utter his sounds I would smile as if I knew what he was saying. I spent over an hour at that table smiling at the chatty, incomprehensible dealer (except when the dealer went on a break) and at Fu Manchu who loved to poke fun at the dealer.

Small head with huge hands seemed to be a very nice guy, too, except I realized he had false teeth that didn't look too stable in his mouth. Since small head with huge hands liked to talk and laugh, I was concerned that he would shotgun his teeth out onto the table or, worse, directly into my face since his angle talking to Skinny put me directly in line for a false-tooth torpedo should they become jettisoned.

There was one other player at the table - a young man who played poker. He was wearing the proverbial baseball cap and he seemed intent on always saying the wrong things.

"This game sucks for comps," he said so the floor person could hear him. We have found that Pai Gow can be a comp heaven if you know how to play the game correctly. Baseball cap did not know how to play correctly.

"This game is really slow," he said.

"Ooomm, eck, eck, eck, um, um, um, eek, ak, ump, ump, ump!" said Fu Manchu to whomever the hell he said it to. I smiled at him.

I felt like telling the poker player in the baseball cap to shut up but I am polite so I just ignored him, hoping if I didn't listen he wouldn't talk. But some people talk even if you don't listen.

Finally, after the poker player had loudly spewed more stupid observations, I said: "I can hear you; you don't have to shout. We're not deaf..."

"Ooomm, eck, eck, eck, um, um, um, eek, ak, ump, ump, ump!"

"I mean most of us," I added.

At the 90 minute mark, we decided to call it a night. We had won some money there and fatigue had enveloped us. Time to go to bed. Tomorrow would be "The Odyssey."